July 1999

Jost Van Dyke, British Virgin Islands

The story of the PirateSmile starts out like every great story: There we were, minding our own business......... But let's back up a few hours and start the story out right.

There were six of us, all appropriately nicknamed, vacationing in the BVI: Captain James "Dolphin Boy", Kristi the Galley Rat, Tom "Anchor Boy", John the Mango Man, Linda "Day Girl", and Delray. Delray was the only one of us who still lacked a nickname. Little did we know, events were soon to transpire that would change all that.

After another relaxing day on our sailboat, we boarded our dinghy and headed to a jump-up. Tonight's destination was Foxy's Tamarind Bar. Like many bars and restaurants in the Caribbean, Foxy's only had one wall. If you can imagine a lean-to with picnic tables, and add alcohol, island music, and sand, you've got Foxy's.

We started out the evening with drinks and listened to the music for a while. The Captain and Galley Rat were dancing on sand, and Mango Man, Anchor Boy, Delray and Day Girl were having a few drinks at a picnic table. After a drink or three of the local rum, Delray realized that his life would only be complete when he had in his possession a fresh coconut. As fate would have it (and when alcohol in involved, fate usually does have it), a coconut tree, full of nice ripe coconuts, was growing right next to our table. Being the good friend that he is, Mango Man pointed out the tree to Delray and suggested that he end his coconut angst immediately by climbing the tree and getting a coconut. Almost before the words were out of Mango Man's mouth, Delray had jumped on top of the picnic table and pulled himself up onto the tin roof covering the bar's lean-to.

Climbing a tree when you are more than a little sauced can be difficult, but luckily for Delray, the coconut tree was growing through the tin roof and up at about a 45-degree angle such that a person could easily shimmy all the way up to the top. Delray climbed up that tree just like a monkey in the Amazon jungle. Meanwhile, a crowd of children and adults had gathered to witness the spectacle. A few flashlights were shining on Delray. It was a scene reminiscent of King Kong on the Empire State Building. From this night forward, Delray would forever be known as Spidermonkey.

Now Spidermonkey was in a bit of a pickle. How was he going to get out of the tree with the coconut? Well, the coconut had to go, so he dropped it on the tin roof, making a huge BANG when it hit. With the coconut out of his hands, Spidermonkey was free to slide on down the tree. If you've ever seen a coconut tree, though, you know that the bark is pretty rough. Sliding back down the tree left Spidermonkey's legs, clad only in shorts for protection, looking like raw hamburger. Luckily, the well-lubricated monkey was feeling no pain - yet.

So we celebrated the coconut harvest by drinking and dancing, and more drinking. A limbo contest broke out with other tourists and a few natives and Spidermonkey threw himself into it with abandon. How low can you go? So low, he scraped more skin from his much-abused legs. By the time the limbo champion had been crowned, Spidermonkey was a little tired and very hot, so he decided to cool himself with a little dip in the ocean. There's nothing like a plunge into cool, clean water when you're sweaty and tired, but much to the alarm of his shipmates, Spidermonkey chose to dive off the dock into about three feet of water. This could have put a tragic end to the whole adventure, but the rum gods were on our side that night. Spidermonkey dragged himself back to shore with nothing worse than some seriously stinging legs and a pretty good gash on the forehead. So it was back to the boat to patch him up!

The Caribbean is generally a pretty happy place, and that attitude had apparently carried over to whoever stocked the ship's first aid kit. The only adhesive bandages we could find all had that big yellow smiley face on them. Silly-looking or not, Spidermonkey needed a band-aid. For the next week or so, he greeted the day with a smile, whether he was happy or not.

By the time we got home from our trip, the smiley face bandage and the coconut thieving had merged into legend. When we returned to the Caribbean next year, our mast sported a bright yellow smiley face flag, modified to look like a pirate, in honor of the stolen coconut. Almost every day people came up the boat asking where they could buy a flag like ours. After a week of inquiries a decision was made to launch PirateSmile.com.

So remember, always wear pants when climbing coconut trees, don't dive into shallow water, and vacation only with friends who won't mess with you (too much) when you're drunk. After all, if you're going to be stupid, you've got to be tough!